The Axe Diary postwar edition
by selenium 02
Summary: Axe post war life.
1. 1. Its all started here

Hi , I am Axe. Just Axe? NO. My name is Mogul Khan but people prefer calling me Axe.Damn these people with their Keen-sized brain , can't even remember the name of The Ultimate Axe!

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To know more about me, you can read it in the Dota2 wiki.What i am writing now is my post-war autobiograhy.

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Yes , post-war. You heard it right postwar.Hard to believe that this war of the ancients had finally ended. I remembered the times where people complained or praised the endless carnage of Axe and Blood . Axe charges! Good Axe time.

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Basically,the Direstone joined back with Radiant Ore just like how my axe kisses someone to formed back the Mad Moon.No idea why it happened or how it happend. Some magic , i guess.

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Hey , im smart but just not smart enough.All I know is a Fishbowl head guy was behind all these fishy businesses.

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Zet, if you are reading this , I just wanna let you know...I am not sorry for caĺling you all these bad names all along. What ? You expecting an apology from me? ME? The Axe?

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If you have a problem with it , I dare you to tell it to me face to face without your stupid fishbowl helmet.

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Man , writing is hard and tiring . I sweared I rather farm some lane creeps. Equiped with nothing but a stout shield , I backdoored the creep waves . Used to prefer two stouts shields but that is another story for another time.

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Skritch.Skritch.The sound of moving pencil.Sound so familiar yet foreign . Maybe because its me who is doing the writing.I miss Goodkind.

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Im sleepy. Nite .

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I miss my Axe life.


	2. 2 Axe's hospital stay

So , what make me write a diary ? Its money . I heard dota2 autobiography can sell for a fortune , so im writing one.

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Was thinking of hiring another writer or bard but im out of cash. Grr cash.

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Currently im writing on a hospital bed , in a shared room .But i am the only patient in this room thou, love the free privacy.

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Broke my leg during work and the insurance barely covered it.The place here is a remote countryside where mana are scare so no convenience healing magic...And a city is too far away, along with high ambulance fees. You get the gist of it.

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I hated how war veterans like us do not have pension money ...Nobody thought about it cause its suppose to be a neverending war.Nobody really think about what comes after a neverending war. THERES A REASON ITS CALLED A NEVERENDING WAR! ITS NOT SUPPOSE TO END. GŔRRR AXE ATTACKS!

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and BAM! Guess what did i broke. Its the hospital overbed table and somehow my pen survived.Hmm which hand did I slammed the table with?

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A few nurses rushed towards me and shouted different stuffs.

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"Red mad man on the looose!"

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"Red brute ...tranquilizer fast..."

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Drowzy...

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* * *

That marks the end of another day.Apparently i had been famous around here for my good temper that my shared room became a private one.

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Note:Daisy is the one that tranquilize me , must remember to take revenge.

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By the way the table cost me 60 golds.


	3. 3 Axeing? SilencerXAM

I know my writing sucks but I still think its axeing good. So good that i know how to create my own words. AXEING!

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I wonder is Axe a copyrighted word? Can I copyright it? Should I try to charge or sue Troll Warlord for using my name as his skill. Noob swirling axes , so useless that the only thing good thing about it is the word axe.Oh wait , the war is already over...

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A moment of silence...for my unreliable golds. Does silencer has many moments of silence ? I bet he does , come on the guy literally called himself Silencer.

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Moment of silence whenever someone cast a spell.I remember how I always miss my Blink and Call combo cause of him, making a fool out of Axe.

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SILENCE! The ulti skill sound effect stll can echoes freshly in my head as I am writing this.As fresh as my poop that i just defecated out few minutes ago. So annoying that I wish those spell-casting bullies should have killed Silencer . Instead of creating a toy , they created a gay buddy for Antimage.

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Yes , both of them a gay couple . Through the hate of magic and the love of spell-less world, they coupulating in the jungle.

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You know something is fishy when safe carry and hard support never leave their lanes.Antimage spent the whole war in the jungle while Silencer baby-sitting him.Staring each other with passionate eyes and farming golds together.Never help in team fight.

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I bet both of them are still farming in the jungle even after the war. That is what I called NEVERENDING just like those annoying robo-calls.

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Axeing is an Axesome word.

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Note:Silencer still own me some intelligence points.Axe is still smart.

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Note2:There's a rumour that Daisy had transfered to another hospital.


	4. 4 Timberaxe ? vs Timbersaw

Nothing special happened today.

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Gonna rant about my past jobs.After the war, I was working as a lumberjack. Well , Axe is good with ...axe!

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Guess who is my new coworker. Yes , its freaking Timbersaw.Hes the company's best worker but all he did was taking his job too personal.

" I'm not a lumberjack. This. This is peesonal." Timbersae proclaimed everyday before starting his work. Its more like a routine ceremonial declaration of weird affection to the trees.

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Its was an intense rivalry of strength and speed between axe and saw.Timersaw was cutting trees like slicing cheese...while my axe...my axe...If only trees fight back like treant , my Counter Helix could have cut those trees as easily too.

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Just for the record, Im still stronger than him.Timbersaw is just a keen sitting in a saw machine.

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Hes a coward that wont leave his shithole armor no whether what . He poops in it ,baths in it, has sex in it etc. He cut down all the trees so that the sawdust covered the scent of his smelly suit.

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Chop chop chop chop chop chop chop! Cut cut cutcutcutcutcut...GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

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Working with Timbersaw is detrimental to your mental health.Mark Axe's word. Prolonged exposure to Timbersaw's rant

will make your vocabulary reduced to only two.

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Cut and chop .Why use these words on trees.Such a waste of good words. Should use it on creeps or meat. I sounded like Pudge for a second.

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My last day of work as lumberjack was a fistful one.That day started with me doing my job peacefully.As usual , Timbersaw acting up again but this time its different ,he bumped into me .He bumped

into the Ultimate Axe.THE ULTIMATE AXE!

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My temper had reached its limit and I had a fight with Timbersaw.I had finally gone out of patience and Axe's patience are not cheap.

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I leaped and take-downed Timbersaw to the ground and punched him non-stop. With my Red Axe Fists , Im proudly dealing no damage to Timbersaw.

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Timbersaw as usual hid inside his dome.Reactive armor gaining stack as I punched him making his dome tougher and stronger.

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Pam pam pam pam , sound of my fists meeting his metallic armor while I was ridinh on top of him. My wisdom reminded myself not to do punch him continuously but I was overtaken by my anger!

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Timbersaw timber chained to the nearest tree ,threwing me down to the ground.While I tried to get up , the timber-chained tree fell down and broke my legs. The end.


	5. 5 Missing Goodkind

Just for the historical accuracy , I only broke my leg . I did not lose to Timbersaw , its a draw at most .If you doubt me , i would like to draw you out and punch you.

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Man Axe pun is drawing good. Now I would like to have a drawer to draw a comic of me...or at least the book cover.

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Draw me majestically and paint me bright red, along with my sexy masculin muscles line and clenched fists.

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I would like to thank Goodkind for teaching me how to read and write. I was good in it but Goodkind improved me.

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When I joined the war , Goodkind joined the commentators , spreading news of glory and bloodsheds . Screaming rampages and taunting noobs . Calling out names and blaming toxicity. Its the pinnacle of literature.

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After the war , Goodkind continued to write tales of the War of the Ancient. Writing the wonders of heroes and their battles , earning heaps and heaps of golds that inspired me ro write my own book.

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My book may not be fancy or magical but it was written by my very bare strong hands.A book written by the Ultimate AXE!

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I miss you Goodkind. I miss those adventures that we been through together.I miss the money you brought in using my tales. My tales of storming castle , slaying armies , dethroning kings and raiding treasure room.

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Goodkind , if you reading this . Please comeback , with your pen and my axe , we shall once again create more tales and filling money bags.

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By the way , Goodkind own a publisher company now . So , I will try my luck or put our friendship to test to publish my own book .


	6. 6 Axe Unleashed

Lost,alone, and without my precious namesake in a strange land...Axe is exactly where he wants to be! My fists!Im just being sarcastic. There's noone but Axe here.

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The story I am going to tell you guys next happened during my long break from the War of the Ancients.It was also during this time that I learned some herbal remedies while roaming naked in the jungle.

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Bright stars shined through the jungle night , with no knowledge of astrology , I was lost in a sea of trees.

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"There are trees everywhere!"-Timbersaw.

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Alone, I was fiĺled with boredom and fulled of emptiness.Im surprised that I am able to use full and empty in the same sentence. Mind... started to play trick on me , monologuing to keep myself company.

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Days after days of running around without a real course of direction.Never stop searching for a way out , only stop for rest and meal time.

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Fruits were abundant in nature , mostly tropical fruits like banana , mango , tango etc .Random combination of food in my mouth and through trials and errors , I learned some medicine. Medicine is not that hard afterall.

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Behold, Axe Special Mix Bottle with three parts tangoes , one mango and my spit will heal you some mana and hp...Recipe for sales...Lets move on.

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Whenever I would like some meats , I will catch some frogs, hunt bats , chase squirrels and fish carps. No medicine is created using meat though but they do satisfy my taste buds .Hmm no big games to satisfy my fists.

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Along the way , I lost track of time. Lost my armor through the harsh humid hot weather.Well I stripped them off . Lost my clothes through the sharp branches of shrubs. Lost my axe to the ... carelessness and forgetfulness of mine. Irony of Axe losing his axe.

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Wandering naked , my masculine body shine just like a glossy red Queen of Pain's lips. But even the best can be boring after repetition of the it. So I started to decorated myself with war paint .

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Marked myself with runes that had no meaning or any functionality. Painted myself , literally, on my own body with either black or gold .

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I did use other colors occasionally like yellow , blue etc. Red can barely be seen on my red skin so those red lipstick marks are not obvious on me.


End file.
